you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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