can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The feeling are messing with the penis
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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