I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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