I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
