I threw up into my coffee this morning.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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