I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
well you can't waste a boner
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
