also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
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They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
I just found puke in my bra..
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
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Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?