the vacuum is drunk
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel