the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
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He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
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We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral