i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
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do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
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Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.