my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
