i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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