Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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