Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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