one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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