Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
and you fell through a lawn chair
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