Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
