can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
