wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
