I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
