haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
