i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
