I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
