I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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