I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Swine flu is the new snow day.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
