In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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