Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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