she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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