The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
