i don't like sucking hair
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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