there's paper in my vomit.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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