I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
