so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
