You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
