there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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