Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
