Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
only you would photoshop your dick
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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