I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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