How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
