so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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