I am in a vortex of obligation.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
