Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
