he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
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We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
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Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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