I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
