Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize