I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
