what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
