All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
wrigley field is MILF paradise
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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