Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she was so not down for the gang bang
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
