She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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