I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize