I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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