Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
