I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
