Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
