U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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