sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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