It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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