oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
