All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
