if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize