Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
