dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
