Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
